Am I OK alone?
Mmmm. I want to answer yes.
In in my mind I say yes, while in my heart I ask: What does it mean for me to be alone?
Mmmm. That’s a bit tricky. I pause and I observe. I am uncertain.
Mmmm. When I feel alone I am uncertain. I am uncertain about me, who I am, who I can become. Not that I can’t make choices for myself, I can.
Not that uncertainty undermines determination because I see how I get up when knocked down.
But uncertainty ferrets into the corners of me which live in doubt and worry, tripping across my concern and desire to know now with wispy feet of doubt.
When I am alone, only I can deal with the unknown. Just me. Alone. With uncertainty, with the darkness which waits in the abyss just beyond.
Can I trust myself to navigate the unknown?
Can I trust who I be is more than enough to live this amazing life available for me in each moment?
Have I confused ability with probability?
Mmmm. bringing myself to this moment so that neither the past nor the future intrude, I take stock of me.
While I have bits to improve, most of me is really spectacular.
I can jump the tall buildings of my fear and round the corners of my doubt with inherent self-trust. I can go the long distance and take the 30,000-foot view.
The wind of my desire reassures me that I will not stagnate in the social pull to be less than the best me.
The best of me thrives in open discussion and honest assessment and sharing.
And when my focus is ME, I am with myself.
And in a moment I realize that uncertainty is a good morning call to wake up and pay attention to where I am and the choice before me in THIS moment.
Uncertainty is not that I can’t; simply that exerting control in this moment is not needed or required. I lay aside my control issues in favor of trust.
Mmmm. in this space of the moment between, there is only me. And alone in the in-between, uncertainty is fine with me.
Now I know the answer.
Am I OK Alone?
Certainly. In the uncertainty. Just Me.
A lot of my writing just comes in the moment. I feel an urge rise to put pen to paper. No outline. Not much forethought. Out the words come, all on their own. For me its always an act of mindfulness. A mindful moment.
Am I Ok Alone is one of these mindful moments. Read more on mindfulness and my mindful moments.