Bridging Gaps, #1
It’s easy to feel that you are not worthy, to have your self-confidence challenged.? I use to blindly react to these confrontations, either by striking out or by beating myself up — or both.? But once I started understanding my gaps, I found that I was able to get in front of the blind reaction sooner.? I found that I could exert some self-control and actually make choices outside of the hot-headed response of unworthiness.? By looking at my gaps, I found a new confidence and a new set of opportunities for how I lived my life.
What’s a Gap?
Gaps are holes in our wholeness. Gaps are realizations that balance is shaky or missing.? Where you wonder if something about yourself needs adjustment, shift or change.? Gaps originate from and are part of the human experience.? We all have gaps.
How do you recognize your gaps?
You know a gap by how you feel inside.? You feel a gap when the metaphorical band-aid doesn’t stretch far enough.? Like a zipper on an old pair of pants which no longer is able to close the two sides, leaving a gap.? Gaps can feel like holes or tears, like raw edges and cliffs before the abyss.? Sometimes you know why the gap is there and sometimes you don’t.? Essentially, Gaps are the sense that our wholeness is not complete.
What is Wholeness?
In contrast, wholeness is feeling complete, in balance, prepared to consider or take your next step.? Wholeness has no need to fight or bicker, no need to judge or attack.
Anatomy of a Gap
Once we start taking a look at our gaps, we can begin to develop a process for bridging our gaps.? To get going, we need to know what we are dealing with.
1.? The Gap Glue:
A Gap is held in place by old stories you tell about yourself which no longer serve you.? Gaps are held in place by assumptions and judgments, by fear and blame.
2.? The Gap Surprise:
Every gap has a gift, a gift of awareness, an opportunity to see from a new perspective. The amazing thing is that your awareness of your gap will help you figure out the surprise held within a Gap.
3.? The Gap Shift:
When you get a glimpse of the glue and the surprise, you open yourself to the opportunity of the shift.? Every gap offers the possibility to shift into a new awareness and new understanding about yourself, your life and your path.
The problem with gaps is that they keep us stuck in the same old, repeating what didn’t work the first time around and certainly won’t work now.? Gaps get in the way of making new choices, walking new paths.? Gaps can make us afraid of change.? Gaps would rather us not feel whole.? When you find a way through your gaps, a way to connect to the wholeness of your experience, you can cross a bridge and move on in a new direction.
To get started on this process with your gaps, here is a set of four question designed to help you begin to bridge your gaps.
1.? Identify your gap:
Where or how do you feel less than whole?
2.? Find the glue:
How does this gap stand in my way?
3.? Uncover the gift:
What can I learn from my gap which will help me feel whole?
4.? Claim the shift:
Affirm: I let go of this that stands in my way.? I claim the gifts of my gap.
Ask:? Now, what can I do in my life?? What is my next step?
Give yourself time to consider and reflect. ?Some gaps just need a brief glance to understand, some need a lot more attention.? Some gaps you can look at yourself and sometimes you need help looking.? Either way, giving yourself the opportunity to find the bridge allows you a new view on your life.? Bridging gaps is about opening to new possibilities and new perspectives.