Goddess Emerging is one of many articles I have written about sacred relationship. Here I explore how I become aware of who I am and who I can become by being aware of my sacred relationship with myself.
As I think back on the last twelve months of my life, I am struck by what has emerged within me.
I am me, the me which has been since the day I was born.
And from my now eyes I see, even feel, myself over the years fading in and out.
The fade outs were times when I felt lost or unaware of the turmoil or denial within.
The fade ins, really the shining forth moments, were times when I felt truly alive, balanced, happy, able to attend to challenge, able to face uncertainty with equanimity.
The last year has definitely been a year of shiny emergence at a level which is different than ever before.
I spent my twenties learning to be an individual in the world.
I spent my thirties figuring out how to be wife and mother.
In my forties, I spent most of my time learning who I am as a spiritual being.
And thus far in my fifties, I am coming back to myself physically, allowing the athlete in me to emerge for the first time in my life.
In this context, I see the last year as a time of integration across all levels physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual which has happened within a deep process I call Goddess Emergence.
Let me explain.
When men meet women and women meet men, especially in the social context of dating, there is one unavoidable topic: sex.
No matter what is or isn’t said, sex is that activity which is danced around in a variety of ways from pathetic to lurid, from humorous to ignorant, from casual to serious.
Whether I pretend to think otherwise, on every date I have had in the last year, I was being evaluated as a potential bedroom partner.
And in all honesty, I was making the same evaluation of him.
Did he turn me on? What would his lips feel like?
Would he, could he be the kind of lover I wanted?
Of course, I thought this.
I want a relationship with a man which functions and evolves on all levels, spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical.
I don’t want one-sided or almost there.
I want it all and I want the relationship to be integrated – meaning I want all levels to work together, to create an experience greater than the sum of all of our parts.
As I have mentioned already, each man I have met and interacted with over the last year has taught me something very important about myself.
I have learned, I have thought, I have struggled,
I have challenged and been challenged.
I am not the same person of a year ago because I have allowed this process of dating to be deep, penetrating, illuminating, and focused.
While these guys have had their own experiences and learnings, for me the process has been about me, for me.
For me masculine energy calls up the earthy and the sublime, the physical and the spiritual.
I revel in the attention.
I bask in the strength.
I love the touch only a man can give me because there is something inherently other than me-as-feminine in him, is him.
I seek a Him because in his reflection I see me.
Not because there is anything missing in me.
More like a light refracting through a prism, my white light shining through him reveals the rainbow that is me.
And he is taken by my rainbow and his light refracted through me becomes his rainbow which is him, unveiled to him.
In the coming together of me and my partner, we each have a chance to know self and know other.
And I believe when two people do this with conscious intention across all levels of thought, emotion and belief, engaging all dimensions of self, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual, the relationship rests within the sacred.
Our bodies and our souls are fully connected with the sense of divinity inherent in all manifest existence.
My soul touches his and his touches mine.
We create with each other sacred relationship.
When I allow myself the opportunity to connect with my Him with the best of me engaged across the entire energetic continuum of self, I allow the inherent divine spark that is me to emerge and express and connect.
As the feminine expression of the divine in this way and in this moment, I am, I live, I offer me as Goddess.
In seeking to live from the best of myself, open and integrated across all levels, I experience in sacred relationship Goddess Emergence.
I am the feminine aspect of the divine made manifest.
I emerge as the Goddess for me, for him, for us. On the altar of sacred relationship, the Goddess calls forth her hunter, her consort, her Horned God.
For all of these are aspects of the divine masculine.
My Him is both individual, unique, divine expression and loving reflection of his divine feminine as embodied by me, his Goddess.
Each man I have met this year has knocked a hole in my shell, singed away a layer of my onion, peeled off the detritus of all my previous fadings.
I have taken a hammer to my own shell, knocking off bits here and there, mending cracks, shoring foundations, re-building resilience, re-storing core strength.
And in this process, I have allowed my Goddess not only to be, but lead in search of sacred relationship.
In the safe harbor that is me, I am Goddess emerging.