The holding still while staying open is incredibly difficult.
I wake to feel kisses on the back of my neck and the warm breath of Him.
But this is a Him that has not yet physically appeared in my life.
I feel him move toward me.
I feel him pausing along the way for all the various reasons life pauses though I can’t know with certainty his why.
Each day I embrace the day with joy and excitement, anticipating that this will be the day when it will happen.
And at the same time I am calming myself, reminding myself not to get too far ahead, remain in this moment, the moment prior to approach.
I want to revel in the excitement of knowing that it will happen, that I will meet my Him.
I want to have the moment be now or in the next five minutes — or, oh well, at least some time today.
I want now because I am done with my pausing, my holding still, my frustration of needing, having to wait some more.
Yet as I ask I look at the last couple of months I have shifted yet more.
Even now, I am in a burn of the no longer needed.
Lighter, clearer, happier.
Me is being compacted so that my coal is transforming into a diamond-like expression, reflecting inner light and radiating joy with all that is.
I must be leaving a trail of ashes in the wake of my stillness.
And maybe that is how he will find me.
Maybe my motion in the world and my stillness within create the path to my door.
While the others are deterred by the ashes? drift, he senses the diamond?s reflection within the prism of his heart.
And it is our connected light which guides him to the stillness of me ready for him.