My heart has been breaking in little bits over the last couple of months as I have witnessed various dear ones, including the closest of family, deal with life-threatening challenges and the passing of loved ones.
I keep thinking that soon I will get my head above water and my duty as head pillow-plumper will come to an end.
But even when the present crisis is passed, trauma rears its scary head in the form of remembered scenes and gut-wrenching pulls.
I realize that for me the nightmare is not quite over, and the grieving has not been resolved.
Sitting with my heart I realize that I must attend to myself and let my heart feel the pain.
Closing down serves no purpose and defers to tomorrow what I must be with today — particularly if I believe what I say about the here and the now.
Not usually at a loss for words, I have wondered for several weeks about what to write.
The answer is that right now given the state of my life, it is not words that I need to share.
Instead, it is the knowing that what I need is to pay attention to my heart and follow its song whatever the tune.
Time to find peace in her singing, find peace in connection, find peace in my heart.
Let the pieces realign.
I live the same life though this life will not ever be the same.