Letting Go of Scraps

I’m letting go of scraps.

Which is also to say that I’m letting go of making do.

When I don’t believe that I can’t receive what I want, then I make do with whatever little bit is offered — even if that little bit is not what makes my heart sing.

For me relationship is sitting at a table sharing the bounty available.

He might have more oranges and I more apples, but in the vulnerability which exists between us two, we share.

A recent, though now finished, relationship began at a table of wonderful harvest.

Then one day I realize the dynamic had shifted.

I was no longer sitting at the table.

I was table side, accepting the scraps he offered in a miserly fashion.

A subtle motion which snuck up on me and that I had initially accepted because I assessed his pain and life challenges as more important than mine.

While it is true that challenges are not handed out equally, offering support should not require that I slip from my chair to the floor.

To get to what I want requires self trust.

Belief in my path.

Belief in myself.

Belief that my journey will align me with the best of who I am and can become.

Belief that I am worthy to not only sit at the table but determine who joins me there.

Without belief, then I try to control.

I push myself to predict.

Anything less than predicted destination is failure.

However, the illusion of control keeps me stuck in expectation and very unlikely to get anywhere near the destination I predict.

Unspoken intention expresses the kernel of unspoken truth of whatever desire I seek.

When I let go of scraps, I see the truth of my unspoken.

Expectations emerge from this ineffable desire.

Yet, the universe responds not to the expectation but to the ineffable within my heart.

My willingness to settle stops me short.

My willingness to see beyond into the core of my truth, opens the door to opportunity and to the song of my heart.

My table overflows with my desire and I am living from the truth of who I am.

I am no longer making do with scraps.


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