Slogging through the forest is sometimes just more than can be tolerated. Trees and bushes obscuring the way, blocking the view not only of the path but the intended goal.
Not seeing the goal pulls up questions which poke and prod uncomfortably. Am I on the right trail? Am I heading in the right direction? Will I arrive in time?
Honestly, it’s the uncertainty which nags my mind and pushes at my heart. I want to know and I want to know NOW.
Impatience intrudes. And then fear. And then worry. And then some more fear, this time dressed in worry.
And when I look up, for just the briefest moment I realize I am in a forest of my own making. A forest of uncertainty. A forest treed with inner doubt and outdated truth.
Paths littered with pain and hurt, worry and anger. No wonder the going is so tough and I find it hard to get going.
I stop. I breathe. I ask what now?
I close my eyes and feel into my heart for an answer. An image of the forest sliding away, taking with it the drudgery and the prickly bits not in denial but in support of a new view for my journey. I realize I created the forest and if it doesn’t help, I can find one which does.
On deeper breath I feel a new path emerge within a landscape filled with possibility.
Not that my fears have transformed into unicorns and puppy dogs. No, but it is a different view which offers possibility to respond to uncertainty without beating up on myself because I don’t know!
Focused on this moment, instead of dragged out into the unknown future, I feel I can make different choices for myself. And oddly enough, while I still want to know, I don’t feel wigged out that I don’t — know that is.
In this more collected state my focus is the path before me. I see the lovely fir needles and the fir trees lifting to the sky.
The salal and the fern spread green across the forest floor.
Behind me a bird rustles and the trickle of the creek fills the background.
And uncertainty remains. Questions not yet answered. Concerns still very much alive.
And I find myself no longer poked because I get that my goal is the journey.
As I journey, destinations shift as I shift and as I learn and as I understand.
From fearfully to thoughtfully I remain uncertain yet aware that knowing will come, lending a hand, clearing a new path, a new focus.
All part of my journey, I live in uncertainty.