When Men Are Pigs

When men are pigs, what choice do women have? There are many choices including oinking back. For me, I know that often my choice has been to let go of myself so that I can keep some semblance of a man/pig in my life and doing so without acknowledging or confronting the lousy choice I just made for me.

Because when a man is a pig and I feel desperate for companionship no matter the cost, then I let go of that place within that knows better than to put up with that pile of malarkey being offered as relationship.

Again, I know for myself that this choice of self-release happens sometimes even when I am vigilant. And, in an odd way, tied in with it is the urge to be strong, to stand my ground so that sometimes in the strong stance I don?t lose my power. Instead I lose my center and get stuck in my head. And now I am not leading with my heart. And that’s totally understandable because the piggy men in my life have left me with pain and I have vowed with all my might that that callously delivered pain will NOT happen again on my watch for myself. I pull back and huddle up and observe, making sure to shore the defense line and protect my heart, taking it, I think, out of the line of fire.

But if the man across the table is not of the piggy kind then I have cut myself off from the possibility of a real connection and a mature relationship developing beyond the childish limits of piggy mind.

In any moment the choice is formed from this consideration: What do I want? And since it really is my choice, if this guy is not a pig, I don’t need or want barriers to impede. I don’t want or need my heart to disappear. I want the opportunity to let go of past habit and outdated story and I want me to take a chance that I can show up with all of me and it is okay. Not because he will like me that way. But because that’s how I like me — all of me making the choice that I will not let any part, portion, feeling, thought, desire or belief slink off in the delusion that I can’t have what I want.

All right! I’ve got my big girl panties on! And all of me is here. This opportunity, this moment is for me. I am here and this is for me to learn to live from my wholeness and my heart’s authenticity.